There’s no video this week, loves. I’m so sorry for not creating the time to edit and upload and am committed to being back on schedule next week… but there’s an opportunity to look and make breakthroughs at any moment. And I just had a whammy of one today and thought I’d share.
As a coach, I’m after results for my clients. I’m after them having exactly what they say they want, even when fear shows up and has them try to talk themselves out of it… even when money gets in the way and it seems impossible to fulfill… even when they miss the deadline and self-sabotage… even when, even when, even when. I stand for them to generate the breakthroughs necessary for them to actually have, be, and do the thing.
When I first opened my practice a couple years ago, I decided that I wanted to work with artists. I saw infinite possibilities, heart, and power working with people who create and express something that no one else can create and express in the world.
As any business owner will tell you, though, marketing is half the racket. You can be the world’s best coach and create results no one would believe with your clients, and no one would know if you don’t put your message and voice out there.
So this year, as you all know, I’ve been consciously putting my voice out there — on more platforms, for more value, and with more intention. I post almost every day on Facebook and Instagram, and weekly on YouTube and this blog. The commitment from the start was to create deeper impact on a bigger scale. And so far, I’m extremely proud of my fulfillment on that commitment.
However, the thing that I butt up against in myself is the results. I start looking at the amount of hours, effort, and heart that go into each video, each post, each newsletter… and compare that to the available spots in my coaching practice, the open office hours scheduled for complimentary sample sessions, the number of views/likes, and so on.
And you know what? It doesn’t measure up right now.
The effort isn’t producing the results I am after.
So I get angry. I get heartbroken. I get all fired up about how no one cares what I have to say, what the gift of coaching can bring them, what my partnership would contribute to their lives…
And I blame you.
And then I blame me.
Having done this work for a while though… I know that that’s just a story I fall back on a lot. “I’m doing EVERYTHING I CAN to achieve the thing I want, and it’s not working — so it must be that either I suck or they suck.”
Newsflash to the guy in the back: this either/or thing is NOT REAL. That just draws us into trying to prove something to you about me, or me trying to prove something about you to me… and coming from our heart and power is just about impossible from that space.
Blaming is not the same thing as looking at responsibility and ownership, though. Blaming — yourself or others — is just a mask for deflecting the feelings of hurt, anger, and disappointment that we’re operating on top of. When we blame ourselves or someone else, we play right into the story that I am not enough, you are not enough, or both.
So what if we separate the two?
Expressing the feelings AND taking responsibility and ownership?
When I got on my call with my coach this week, I didn’t have the fainted clue how to separate those two. They felt inextricable. That’s the thing about “self-help” — we can identify when we’re on the hamster wheel, but we’re not reliable to step off in the moment and choose something different for our own lives right here, right now.
My coach invited me to look at my heartbreak and anger not towards “you all” (meaning… anyone and everyone in the world who SHOULD be watching my videos and reading my posts, of course!) but towards myself. What am I heartbroken and angry at within me that has me projecting it outwards?
Turns out, I was holding a whole BUNCH of stuff on me.
And then, we looked at what do I actually need? What are those feelings of heartbreak and anger really calling for? What is my spirit begging for that I’m not currently giving it? Because I can tell you… my spirit doesn’t need clients. It just needs love.
So why do I feel so unloved and unloveable when my videos don’t get crazy views or when every artist across the world doesn’t come banging down my door to work with me?
Because those unmet needs — aka feelings — are trying to get met in an unwinnable way.
When I try to get my needs met through my results, I’m doomed to a life of external validation and conditional joy.
When I recognize the feelings and needs as something for me to own and get met, though, then suddenly none of this is about the clients or the videos or the gigs or anything I thought it was… and it was just that I haven’t told myself how valuable I am to the world, no matter what I do, say, or create.
To look yourself in the mirror when these feelings are brewing or bubbling over and actually give YOURSELF what you need, instead of blaming or suffering or giving up, then suddenly the feelings aren’t actually about the thing… they’re just about loving you.
When you love you, the results don’t matter… AND the results come by themselves.
Just while writing this blog post to you all, I got two new requests for sample sessions.
Thanks, Universe. 😉
So, my invitation extends to you, dear one.
What are you holding on you? What results are you using as a measurement for your lovability? Are you willing to step out of blaming them or blaming you and actually just be with the heartbreak?
As always, my door is open for connection with you. I’d love to hear what you hear for yourself in this and what amazing things you’re up to in the world.
Want to schedule a little sum’n, sum’n with me?
I hope you know how much I love you…
but I hope even MORE you know how much you love you.
Peace, love, and light,
Did you miss this video? It’s a goodie.