from deep dive to thrive.
I want to throw something out there:
As a self-described recovering perfectionist, I have had to deconstruct some pretty harmful beliefs that had me on what felt like a super-speed treadmill at Everest elevation. It felt impossible to achieve my lofty, long term goals and run my business AND keep my home rolling AND invest in my relationships. But, simultaneously, it felt like my world would quite literally come crashing down if I took a day off to go to the beach. Or spent an afternoon shopping with a friend. Shopping? “That’s a waste of money!” “You have 4 calls you could schedule that afternoon!” Time spent not working was money lost and time wasted... not to mention the s-word: selfish. *collective gasp*
As I’ve sought relief from this truly unsustainable mentality, I’ve quickly come to realize that the hustle wasn’t about achievement. It was about proving to myself that I was worthy.
I’ll say it again: I was trying to gain worth by working myself into the ground. If I achieved my professional and personal milestones each month, I was worthy of recognition, praise and love. If I didn’t, I was not worthy of recognition, praise and love.
I want to get this out there, loud and clear: you are worthy of being seen and loved by just being you. That’s it. You were created to be in community. To thrive. To be loved and to love others. That is at the core of who we are as humans.
Now I want to invite you, beautiful souls, to do a deep-dive with me here.
We are worthy of love just by existing: *check*
We do not garner personal worthiness by what we achieve: *check*
So how do we create a healthy relationship with work? The professional goals? The daily necessities that keep our lives running?
I’ll admit that sometimes that when I’m feeling like doing a half-baked job, a little voice goes off in my head: “It’s all good, your worth doesn’t come from your work, anyway! You can coast on this.” Which is in SOME cases, true. But a problem develops when it becomes a crutch and diminishes what actually needs to be done.
We cannot minimize what actually needs our attention. I want you to consider a new lens: a lens of respectful response. Perfectionism can hide behind words like “respect” or “responsibility,” but those words simply do not fit. Perfectionism does not respect the whole self or feel responsibility to the needs of the whole being.
What if we changed our relationship with work from fear-motivated to respect motivated?
*RESPECT for your intellect and ability
*RESPECT for the job or responsibilities you’ve been given
*RESPECT for the rest your body and soul require to function properly
Beloved, you are so deeply intended to live your life without fear of inadequacy. We aren’t meant for fear-motivation. Eons ago, maybe, but its primal programming has become obsolete. But we now are free to focus on our other purposes:
So the rubber hits the road. The world has enough people running around like chickens with their heads cut off, trying to satisfy some unseeable beast of achievement. Stop. Breathe. Change your operating system to respect-driven and be the badass the world needs you to be. And before you know it, you’ll be too busy to be a perfectionist. Respect and love will (WILL) replace worry and anxiety. It will fill your time with the aspects of life that you actually care about. It will ignite inspiration for new ideas and ventures. Will it require some active reposturing of your heart and mind? Yes. Will you be faced with some pretty ugly route behaviors? Yep. But trust me on this, it is worth the work.
We need you, babe. YOU. Modeling self-respect and all its beautiful, wonderful permutations. Get out there and forget perfectionism. You’re too smart for that. <3